Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
