I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize