I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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