Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
