He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
