I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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