hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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