...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
smell my finger.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
