Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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