in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
