I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize