the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
