I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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