it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
