Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
