Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
