I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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