I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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