Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
