I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
