Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize