my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
