1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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