i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
