the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize