we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
