I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
