Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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