my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
