when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
