it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
