there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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