all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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