That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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