hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
worst night to have a conscience
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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