I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
