Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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