So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
