I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
