i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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