You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize