I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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