I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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