She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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