We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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