if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
kristin has been a bad kristin
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
