You made me cry and you don't even care
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
