My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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