she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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