Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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