I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
