wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
