You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
