some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
