I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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