what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize