omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
