i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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