I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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