1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you would pick up someone in the library
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize