cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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