What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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