I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
