i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize