You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Every concussion has its silver lining
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
