I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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