i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
