I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
