How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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