I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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