just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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