I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
