I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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