I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
