this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
