He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize