Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
