I faked an abortion last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
