so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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