He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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