Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
