so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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