I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
