I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
