You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
