He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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