I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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