New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She bit a glass in half.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
