do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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