marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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