I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize