She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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