It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize