omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
