so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
