I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
