Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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