Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
