2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
